I come from a long line of strong-willed, independent women, and while these are decidedly both impressive qualities, they can teeter on the brink of being controlling and manipulative, at least for me. When I think about my need to control people and situations, I know it comes from my desire to protect myself and have my needs met, so for that I have compassion. But I’ve learned enough on my journey to know there is an easier, healthier way to take care of myself.

The ego wants what it wants, when it wants it.  It wants to control and manipulate the situation to achieve the desired outcome, rather than allow the process of life to unfold and learn the life lesson that is being presented to us. So when we act with love and compassion, instead of leading with fear and our ego, it doesn’t mean we can’t take action, reach our goals, speak our truths or work hard. It means we first ask for guidance from our Higher Self/Universal Intelligence/The Divine and trust that all is as it should be, while honoring (and owning) ourselves and the fearful feelings that get stirred up in the process. This is what it means to live from the heart instead of our head, with humility instead of resistance. I’m just beginning to feel that owning and honoring our emotions that get stirred up, and learning to love all parts of ourselves, is the most important part of the journey.

I suppose my ego has helped me to achieve great things in life, but it comes at a cost. When I bulldoze my way through to my desired outcome, others tend to get dismissed and sometimes hurt along the way; which will most certainly not end well.  When I trust in the process with an open mind and an open heart, with acceptance of the things I can’t change, life comes together with more ease, resulting in a higher outcome benefitting all involved.  The one caveat being this outcome will almost never happen in the timeline and manner we envision. We have to let go of the ‘how’ and trust in Universal Intelligence.  This, for me, is the biggest struggle.


For many of us, the vulnerability of getting hurt and fear of the unknown is what causes anxiety and the desire to control. Time and time again, I need reminding to look for that sweet spot between acceptance of others and the situation being presented, while still owning and loving all parts of myself (or as Tosha Silver says ‘taking care of the inner kid’). This ensures that the fear doesn’t dictate my actions or get projected onto other people. It’s a constant effort and I miss the mark more often than I’d like to admit, but that’s why we’re here, right …to learn, evolve and grow? So let’s be kind to ourselves and do the best we can with what we’ve got, riding the wave of our emotions with acceptance, love and care. No one is perfect. No thing is perfect. The perfection is in the love and the acceptance of all parts of ourselves, which ironically attracts our highest, most desired outcome.

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